GOAL

Waking up suddenly at the jolt of the alarm today at 5:30 AM to get up for Gym, which seems to be an impossible goal these days, I suddenly felt like I am back in 2000, when I had just finished my 12th exams and was preparing for Engineering entrances. It was one of those days when I had woken up at 5:00 AM to study, this was a usual thing for me as I am a morning study kind of a person, the calmness helps me get to my studies better.

I was solving one of the Math problems, and turned to look at the window, there was a beautiful, serene view. The sky had a beautiful pattern and I got so tangled up in the beauty that in that very instant I decided to join Art school. I have always been the creative one in my house from childhood, so that made me confident that I would succeed in the field for sure!!

Now the biggest question was - How to convey this to my Father who is an engineer himself and of course wants his kids to follow his path. After few minutes of thought, I decided to write a letter to him and slip it under his pillow while he is asleep - Voila! I did exactly that. 

Dont remember what I wrote in the letter, but as you can guess it would have been pretty dramatic because after 3 hours (8 AM) when my dad read that, he started crying, not because he was emotional, but because i will now not be able to fulfill my Goal - which is according to him becoming an Engineer and earning a lot of money. 

Well, after 13 years or so, I can say I did fulfill my Goals or well His Goals. Not that I am unhappy, I am earning a lot of money.. but today every time I drive into the parking lot of my office, I wonder, was I born to be this...

Is that what my goal was!! 
What the hell is a Goal?????
Lets see.. As per the dictionary, there are numerous definitions http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/goal , the one definition that struck me, is "the terminal point in a race".Wow!! Do I not feel this everyday.

We all at some point of our lives feel that we are a part of race and just struggling to be ahead of everyone else, but have we thought what is the destination to all this.. Is it being rich, being powerful, or is the end point is DEATH???


Let me your thoughts!!

The New ME!!!!!

As I was getting ready to go out last saturday, Anya (She for sure will say "Mommy its Saanvi" :)) asked me a question-

Anya: Mommy, can I ask you a question?
Me: Yup, Go ahead.
Anya: When I grow up, will I get all your clothes and shoes, everything..
She made me burst into a big laugh, she ran away crying... "Its not funny mommy...". That made me quite, because it was truly not funny, from a 5 year old perspective. But I was not quite because she said that, but I was quite because she reminded me of myself when I was 5 years old, sitting on the bed that was in front of my Mom's vanity (called dressing table at that time), looking at my mom getting ready after a bath. Thinking of which I cannot stop myself from comparing, how simple was her getting ready ritual. Just a cream, a powder (not compact one that we use, but Talcum) and a red sindoor and a Bindi, Combing her hair into a bun, an thats it, she was ready for her daily chores. But that simple ritual used to make me wish that I were a grown up like her with long hair like her(My daughter has long hair though :)), so that I could do all that she is doing now. I would open the OLD GODREDGE ALMIRAH!! and get all her pretty sarees, which now seem very simple to me, and would wonder how I would look when I grow up and wear them.

I would play with my Mom's hair for hours and complain about my short hair. I was so desperate to grow up, and my Mom used to say, "Someday dear!! you will grow up and be like me, even better than me." That would make me even more desperate to grow up. I would dream of my prince charming and make up stories about stuck with him in a forest. (Seems so stupid now that I think of).


I can still remember, the day I was leaving for college, my Mom was so upset, that she did not even cry. I never thought that day would be the turning point of my life, as she used to say that. She said, "I pray to God that you will achieve more than what I did in life".

Thanks to her, and I think I did achieve a lot in life, not sure is it more than what she did. And now that I see my daughter, a part of me, growing up so fast, trying to be me,I feel desperate, want the time to stop, so that I can spend some more time with the little her. But, I guess the time has come, to Look at a NEW ME!! from my eyes.